Living with Purpose: An Evening Reflection Practice
“Only those things I notice shape my mind.”
— William James
We define self-reflection as a “meditation or serious thought about one’s character, actions, and motives.”
Self-reflection is the ability to take a step back and reflecting on our life, behaviour and beliefs. And it is much, much more.
Reflection brings with it deep wisdom by learning from what we find in our experience, and it opens up new possibilities for meeting the future when it arrives.
Positive self-reflection is a habit that allows us to unfold what has happened and how we acted and reacted from a perspective of learning rather than self-criticism.
The practice of reflection and self-reflection is not new. It is a habit that philosophers prize for mining meaning, deep thinkers immerse themselves into insight and learning, and creatives explore to unlock ideas and bright new perspectives.
“The unexamined life is not worth living.”
— Socrates
In a previous piece, I wrote about the value of a morning meditation practice as part of the desire to live a life of purpose.
The Evening Reflection Practice is the bookend to the morning habit of meditation. It complements the setting of outcomes by reflecting on the experience of the results and the lessons it brought.
The Evening Reflection Practice is an exercise that allows us to review our day from a perspective of learning and to see opportunities in our pursuit of a life of purpose.
It is a simple four-step process that can be completed within 5 to 15 minutes, with an optional fifth step for when we have the luxury of time. And here they are:
- Find the time and space where we can do our practice uninterrupted by anyone or anything else.
- Come to a state of presence, the best way we know how to.
- Set intention.
- Reflect on the day with questions designed to bring us closer to our purpose.
- Optional step: Journal about the practice
Let us look at each of these steps in more detail:
Step One: Find the time and space to do our practice uninterrupted by anyone or anything else
It helps for productive and positive reflection to have space to practice peacefully without disturbance. In addition, the safety of solitude brings with it the meditative energy conducive to deep exploration, insight and understanding.
I retreat to my office for my practice, which is a safe and quiet space.
Sometimes I will practice in silence; other times, I will add calm and meditative music in the background to create an atmosphere for reflection.
It is good to switch off any devices and their pesky notifications and make sure pets, children, and others cannot disturb us.
Step Two: Come to a state of presence, the best way we know how to
It is easy to have a mind that still races in the aftermath of adrenaline-fueled busyness at the end of a busy day. But, unfortunately, a noisy and attention-deficient monkey-mind does not promote the required meditative mood of reflection.
I use a COACH state meditation to facilitate myself to a centred state of attention where I am open to whatever emerges, open to all possibilities, and connected to a deep desire to make sense of the day and learn from it.
Find a way or a practice that creates a strong sense of calm and awareness for yourself in the present moment. There are many paths to the present moment. The present moment is where the power of self-inquiry magnifies.
As the author Natalie M. Esparza states in her book, Spectacle: Discover a Vibrant Life through the Lens of Curiosity,
“Regret is about the past; anxiety is about the future; curiosity is about now.”
Step Three: Set intention
Our intention is about how we want to frame our reflection session. A good state of mind will emphasise our curiosity and our desire to learn from our day.
Without setting intention, it is easy to fall into a self-critical state and focus on what went wrong instead of learning constructively.
Set a strong, positive intention, internalise it and resolve to investigate the day from that perspective.
Here is a simple example of an intention:
I am excited and curious to find all the lessons and opportunities that this day has brought me.
Step Four: Reflect on your day with questions designed to bring you closer to your purpose
The reflection questions are the ones that we use to unpack and explore the day. It leads to self-reflection and self-discovery.
Reflection questions and the inquiry that flows from it map your path to purpose and often create more profound insights and sometimes changes to your true purpose.
I use the following questions when I work with coaching clients learning the Evening Reflection Practice:
Did I do my best today?
This question is about understanding your performance on this day.
Measures like, I gave a 110% today, are essentially meaningless because how do we know what 110% effort is?
What we do know is what it is to give our best. And we know when we did not give our best.
This question opens up an inquiry into what we can learn about our performance, what constrained it and what enabled and even boosted it. It leads us to insights about what to embrace in the future and what to avoid. It highlights how consequences play out from actions and allows deeper reflection on the possibilities of taking different steps.
Did I treat people well today?
We live in a world where we are constantly in contact with others. We have conversations, allocate tasks, ask for favours, help others, argue with others and give and take attention and energy.
This question considers how our expressed behaviour creates and strengthens our relationships.
Did you treat others in a way that respected them in living out their purpose?
Did you treat them with decency and compassion?
Did you recognise and honour their humanity?
In a world where our performance and learning depend heavily on others, and we wield tremendous influence on others and their achievements, choosing to treat people well is a powerful enabler.
Did I use my time wisely today?
Time is the only resource we cannot replenish. However, if we lose all our money and possessions, we can replace and increase it beyond what we have today. But time, once lost, are gone forever.
If you use your time wisely, you will focus on the right things for the proper purpose, to achieve the right outcome. We will avoid unnecessary, frivolous things that do not bring value to our day.
This question also highlights the ways and places where our time was misspent and what we may avoid or prevent in the future. Finally, it moves us to consider how to use our time optimally.
Did my accomplishments today bring me closer to my purpose?
It is an important question. It evaluates the day against whether we moved towards our purpose, or whether we stalled, or even moved further from our purpose.
It is easy in the morning meditation to set a purposeful outcome for the day. Then, when we achieve that purpose, we had a good day.
But often, life interferes, and our days go in all directions except for the one we planned. The certainty about a good day then becomes less.
The solution is to evaluate whatever happened in the day and decide whether even this unplanned activity and accomplishments took us closer to our purpose.
There are often clues to learning in the small moments when we do unexpected things steering us down uncertain roads. And finding these are like finding gold which teaches us about embracing and avoiding certain activities and decisions in the future.
Other questions:
The questions above a are a minimal set to consider in a reflection practice. As you discover more about your purpose you may change, or add questions to your own practice.
Other questions I sometimes add are:
Was I the role model for others that I want to be?
This question is a beautiful one to consider if we are in roles of leadership or influence. It inquires about how we show up to those who look up to us and pattern their behaviour.
A great leader serves through leading by example.
So what is the role model you want to be?
And how will you show up for those who look up to you?
What three things am I grateful for on this day?
As humans, we are not very good at being grateful. Sometimes the big moments connect us to gratitude, but we often miss the small moments.
Consciously creating a moment in our reflection to focus on appreciation connects us daily with what we are grateful for, whether those things or people have large or small impacts in our lives.
In addition, there is scientific evidence that gratitude has benefits for our health and well-being.
If I could have today over again, what three things could I do to make it even better?
This question is one of my favourite ones to reflect on. Of course, it carries within it the presupposition that I have had a great day, but it also opens up the possibility that, had I done something else, something more, it could be even better.
This question leads us down the path of innovation, the way of looking for something new, novel and different. And it suggests options which can make any future day better.
Optional Step Five: Journal about your practice
Journalling is not compulsory, but it serves to preserve a record of reflective thinking. Over time it shows the paths you took on your journey to purpose, and it highlights the opportunities and ideas that come from deep thought.
On many occasions, when I face a mountain that seems too steep to climb, I find solace, courage, and motivation in my journals, whether it be missteps, bumbling approaches or incredible insights.
A carefully kept journal is a measure of personal growth and a foundation for achievement.
In Conclusion
“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”
― Marcus Aurelius
The journey to living your purpose is on a road that leads inwards. Reflection comes from roots of curiosity and fascination with what is possible for you and shines a mirror on the wisdom of the best version you want to be. A daily reflection practice will chart a path to the future and, like the captain of a ship, correct the course to end up where you want to be.
Give yourself the gift of reflection and embrace a journey that leads to fulfilment, joy and happiness!
